It's time to go......

Only a few hours remain of this adventure.  It is true that I will return to New Zealand again, but that will be a separate adventure disconnected by the passage of time and age.  It feels as if my world has been getting smaller over that last few weeks, with a maddening reduction towards the end.  With each goodbye, there was one less element of my world.  With each last trip to a certain shop, or last drive past a certain landmark, the everyday elements and activities which constituted my life have been trimmed from my branches.  This has left me repeatedly less elements to give my world mass and substance.  As I sit here at the airport I feel as though the past three and a half years of magic have become confused in to one single past event.  All the memories, all the people, the job, and the places are all now in one single box.  And the universe is about to close the lid.

Time.

In some ways it feels like I have been in New Zealand forever.  Then I think about events passed, and it seems like I arrived last week.  It’s curious how the mind doesn’t give an accurate perception of time.  Time is only relevant when you look at your watch or at a calendar.  The concept is lost without a visual object that measures it, defines it or gives it a framework.  Without these time defining objects, time becomes meaningless.  What happened a year ago could have happened 5 years ago or it could have happened last week.  Once it is a memory, it is relegated to the past regardless how far gone that past it.  Time, as a concept, is irrelevant.

So what about the future?  For me, what’s planned for next week is just as imperceptible as what is planned for next year.  It is something yet to occur.  It’s only when I define the occurrence of the event with a measurement of time that I get a sense of it being near or far in to the future.  This gives me great comfort as I look around me now, not having yet left New Zealand but already craving to return.  This maybe won’t occur for a while yet, though by not letting a unit of time define this plan to return I get a sense that my return is just as imminent as my upcoming departure.  It’s all in the future and this eases my current sadness.  A little. 

On a more positive note

As the sun descends to kiss the horizon

these thoughts come clearly to me 

through the Autumn mist.

There is no one beauty in the world, 

just one world which is beautiful.

By embracing new places and allowing no stagnation

we have the chance to see beauty around each new corner.

All that is required is to open our eyes

and look closely at what lays before us at any point in time.

Feel it move within our hearts, souls and minds.

If we walk with our eyes closed

we become lost in an obscurity

that shields the individual from what the purpose of living

really

is.

It is to challenge ourselves, to experience and to learn.

To win, to lose, to conquer, to concede.

But most importantly.....

to shine.

....gone.....

The last day of work came and went.  Two more days have since passed and it already seems so long ago.  The tears have dried leaving a sad and empty feeling inside.  This is planned to be a thrilling and fun time, getting ready for the next big adventure of this crazy road show.  I could fake it, pretend that I’m not sad, that I am actually looking forward to leaving everything and everyone behind. Yet, just the thought of doing so makes that empty feeling inside become greater.

Going, going…….

A week has passed quickly, now leaving less than two weeks before our departure.  The less time we have, the faster it goes.  We don’t have much left to organise or pack, so I will be trying to enjoy this time peacefully.  Enjoy the crisp autumn mornings, the cool fog hugging the countryside waiting for the warmth of the sun to awaken it and give it life.  Slowly watch it rise and clear the view to reveal the artistic landscape that I have become so fond of.

I do have few familiar feelings resurfacing from the period when we were preparing to move to New Zealand.  The sense that time is now in control, that my world is getting smaller and things are changing.  All feelings captured in some of my earlier posts, in September and October 2008.  So long ago.

Must go for now, the fog is waking and commands my attention.

“Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken.” – Frank Herbert, author (1920-1986)

Leaving.

In less than three weeks’ time, we will be moving back to Australia.  Our one year adventure quickly grew in to more than the three years it has ended up being.  I thought this imminent departure would surely be an exciting time, having made the decision to return to my beloved homeland to be embraced by its warmth once more.  Many months ago, the thought of returning would have generated all sorts of wistful emotions and immediate thoughts of what I miss so much about Australia.  Now, sitting three weeks out from the departure date, I can’t see any of these things.  My vision is impeded by all that is around me now and exactly how much of an amazing place New Zealand is.  It has been a generous home and we have been gifted with far more than deserved by the people we have met and the places we have visited.  I’m not sure how I am going to get through this.

The packing has been largely done.  There was none of the grand shedding of physical belongings which I found so exhilarating and liberating when packing to move over here.  We have accumulated little since arriving, but still it has been sad to discard even the most mundane of belongings.  I have never been so attached to a kettle in my life as I am right now to our current one. I recall purchasing it on our first shopping trip in our new country, along with an assortment of other household items.  The sense of new beginnings and unknown adventures became embodied in this kettle.  It has greeted me each morning, whispering the continuing promises of this new beginning and adventure.  It has been part of every visitor to this house, family and friends from Australia have benefited from its faithful presence.  As I gather it up, ready to be packed for selling, all of these thoughts go through my head; all of these memories are fighting to stay free and continue being remembered.  But as the box of items disappears down the road in the back of someone else’s vehicle, so to do the memories which are attached to them.  Like I said, I’m not sure how I am going to get through this.

I know I am going to be excited to be home in Australia, to catch up with family and friends, see the sights, the experience the heady smell of eucalyptus laden air again.  I know it is going to be great shopping for new cars, going through our storage shed of belongings and re-packing for Darwin.  I know it is going to be exhilarating to arrive in Darwin with its tropical climate, majestic palms, dramatic scenery and outstanding sunsets.  I know it.  I just don’t feel it.  Not while I can see all that I am leaving behind.

“Travel and change of place impart new vigor to the mind.” - Seneca (4BC-65D)