If only I could be better. Better at everything. Better at being a good person to others, better at living a healthier lifestyle, a better son, a better partner, a better employee, just better. It’s not enough to be who I am, and it never was. I remember as a teenager sitting alone on a river back near the house I grew up in. I would compile lists of the things I wanted to do with my life and qualities I wanted to exemplify, all in order to make myself more popular and better. There’s that word again. This river bank memory was lost in the far recesses of my mind until recently, when again I started my journey to make myself better. Even with many years between these two points in my life, the feeling is exactly the same now as it was then. So as I revisit this seemingly insatiable need to be better, memories come tumbling forward in to life once more. I get the feeling that the chance has been long-lost to do all of those things that were on the young childs river bank list.

But then maybe the chance wasn’t lost? If I take a really good honest look at what I have done with my life, it is evident that I have done some of those things. They were merely dreams considered beyond difficult to achieve, yet I did achieve them - traveled, learned languages, worked with animals - along the way I have also acquired a reputation which displays some of the qualities I wanted to be as well – honest, reliable, creative, .......hmmmm. Let’s analyse this a bit longer. So I made some lists of things that I hoped would make me a better person. I compared it to the reality of my current situation……………………………..there’s not much difference between the two actually.