It’s getting a little bit messy in my head at the moment. Quite a few things going on and I don’t seem to be able to control them. Sound a bit screwed up? Not really, just an extraordinary combination of disquiet, nerves, sadness and anticipation. In less than 3 weeks from today we will be leaving Australia and up to this point I feel that I have been in relative control of the processes we need to go through leading up to departure day. I have been free to pack at my own pace, rehouse animals at leisure and potter around feeling it’s all coming together. Suddenly and without warning, I now sense I am on a conveyor belt that will deliver me to the airport on the due date, at the due time. Along the way there are a series of events which are set in stone - necessary farewells, the last of the packing and finer details of departure. I want to be in control again.

But then, isn’t what this is all about? Adventure? ‘Adventure’ isn’t an orchestrated production of events set to thrill, it is an activity that comprises of risky and uncertain experiences. ‘Control’ is all about exercising restraint, showing discipline in personal and social activities or dominance over an activity. How can I expect these two concepts to meld? Now that I think about it, why would I want them to anyway? Exerting control over adventure will diminish not only the enjoyment of the experience but will also limit the potential outcomes and achievements. So, I will now take a step back and loosen the reins of insecurity and let this adventure continue to run free. After all, I have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like. (Mike Gafka)

Waiting, waiting, waiting…..

That what it will be like for the next few weeks, just waiting for the looming departure date to hit. I have had a few weeks of holidays lately and in that time I have managed to pack up much of the house, do some serious cleaning ready for new tenants, relocated almost all of our pets and generally got myself ready for the jump. The latter includes looking into accommodation in NZ, car prices, internet access, services in the Hamilton area, looked at maps, photos, newspapers and more. I almost feel like I am ready to leave tomorrow with all this new found information I have in my head. But, I am back at work tomorrow and will be right up to the week before blast off. So until then I will enjoy my last days at Adelaide Zoo, catch up with friends and continue waiting, waiting, waiting……..

Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow. (Ronald E. Osborn)

Some years ago I left Australia with an international air ticket in hand and just $38 dollars to my name. Somehow I managed to work and travel my way around the globe for the most part of a year. As my oldest friends will tell you, for much of my adult life it was a case of now you see him, now you don’t. Moving across the country on the spur of the moment, calling to let people know what I am doing after I have done it. So why is this move to New Zealand, a small hop across the ocean, providing so much more emotion for me? I lay awake most mornings before I get up thinking about this, not worrying but thinking deeply about what lays before me. I believe there is no answer to my question. Just let it be and enjoy the experience.

I am on holidays again and have continued to slowly pack up the house. Slowly I say, because I am finding it difficult to pick up an item and not remember where it came from, who gave it to me/us and what memories are associated with it. Then I have to decide whether to pack it into storage, give it away, throw it out or keep it to take to New Zealand. At the moment, that is what my life feels like – I am choosing the memories I want to keep and the ones I want to dispose of. It’s a bit surreal but at the same time liberating. This move is a great opportunity to clear out the clutter and material possessions which somehow have become so integral in my existence. Never have I spent so much of my adult life in one place – almost 8 years.

On the planning front, this is the latest. My dear mother and nieces came to stay for a few days and helped do some serious cleaning. Mum will be back in a few weeks again, when most of the furniture has been moved and we will get cleaning again. The emus went to their new home on the weekend and the last of my peafowl, pigeons and turkeys will be going this morning. This will leave us with a few chooks and the two dogs. It is so quiet around here now. We have been catching up with as many people as possible along the way and there are still more to see. I can only hope that we see everyone we want to before we depart.

Overall, while there are negatives, everything is outweighed by a renewed spirit of adventure. This journey is turning out to be much better than the original exchange we had planned. I will never thank the two NZ keepers, but I am glad they pulled out of the deal now. They were the worst part of this whole plan to go to NZ. We now have so much more flexibility with our adventure – where to live, car to drive, pets to have etc. We will be going over on our own terms and not bound by the association of others.

To sum up my situation at the moment, there is a piece by Michael Leunig which I have long cherished.

Overlooking my life so far
"In my life I had accumulated many things in my head - too many things. Memories, tunes, facts, fears, visions, loves, etc., etc. As many as possible. In a fertile mind, such things will interbreed. Mongrel visions are born; hybrid memories; inbred memories, idiot love. It gets very confusing.
I decided it was time for a good clean-up, so I emptied all this out of my head and pushed it into a big heap to sort it out. There is was - everything that was me, all in a big jumbled heap. I walked around it. What a mess!
Then suddenly I saw it in silhouette and realised what it was. It was a heap. A simple heap. You don't sort it out, you climb it. You climb it because it is there. Excitedly I clambered to the summit and raised a flag. I was now looking beyond everything that I knew. The view was simply…….magnificent!."

It's good news week.....

It has been two weeks since the other two keepers pulled out of the exchange deal that started this whole journey. For friends who have been following us during this period, you are aware of the struggle it has been at times. The two weeks feels like two months to me as so much has happened and so may plans have changed, but almost daily our road seems to be getting smoother and clearer. The latest good news was via a phone call to Phil from Hamilton Zoo yesterday morning. They have offered him a contract until the end of February, the same as what I will be doing. At that point, there will be three permanent positions on offer so it is looking really positive that more work will eventuate. This news had us both bouncing around the house last night in a 'happy dance'! Further more, another option for the care of our dogs has arisen. One of the vet nurses I work with has a property not far from our farm and has offered to look after the dogs for how ever long we need. All this good news is surely a sign of things to come?

Thanks to those who have sent messages of encouragement. Everyone had faith that things were going to get alot better and as hard as it was for me to see this eventuating, that's exactly what is happening now. Bit by bit, the wall that suddenly arose two weeks ago is crumbling. This morning I can peek over the top, and see the grassy meadows and snow capped mountains of our destination, and my dreams, once more.