The happiness beyond.

Reflecting on my previous posts it would be easy to think I have fallen into despair and  depression.  Leaving my job with a  bitterness that wont seem to fade, getting sick and injured increasing the  fear of ageing and the relentless punishment of time and then most recently the sale of the farm we called home in the 'early years'.  Rest assured, while it has been a journey of sorts it has not been a time of remorse or defeat.  And here is why. 

I live in New Zealand, one of the most beautiful and colourful countries in the world.  I have a partner who cherishes me and inspires me to be a better person each and every day.  I have a new job which is teaching me new skills and has many doors of opportunity waiting for me to open.  I can walk down my driveway and look towards snow capped peaks.  I have a small garden with plants that I have grown from seeds or cuttings.  I have two dogs who love me regardless of how I feel or look. I have a grand sense of gratefulness that I am healthy, have food to eat, a house to live in and do not live in poverty.  In my space there are no epic disasters, no mass shootings, no oil spills. No dictators, regimes, no wars. I am free. 

So when you read my posts about feeling old or not having the great job I think I deserve, don’t be fooled.  Like many people, when I look beyond my own mind and my own boundaries it becomes very clear and precise how happy I actually am

Home is where the heart is.

As part of our move to New Zealand, it was decided to sell our property back in Australia and buy ourselves a small slice of New Zealand. As all plans begin, it was a brilliant one. We owned the property, not the bank, so it would enable us to continue on our merry way with financial security. No big loans, some spare cash for luxuries, travel, skiing and so forth. That was the plan.

Last week was settlement day for the property. For me, it came and went without fanfare. The benefits of selling were numbed by the loss I felt. Loss of home, loss of place, loss of memories and loss of opportunities. All these things were embodied on our 80 acre farm with endless views of a truly beautiful part of Australia. No more can I feel these views are mine. No more wandering through the beautiful vegetation, the trees which I grew from seed, the seed which I harvested myself. No more opportunities to plan the future – the decking, the landscaping, the constant re vegetating. It is now all in the hands of its new owners. That chapter has ended.

Now we're are in limbo – not here or there. I yearn for a place to call home, somewhere I can add my bit to give it life. The options are there, its just a matter of waiting for the right one to choose us. A new chapter has started but I sure did enjoy the last one.

For all the people who were part of that chapter, thanks for the memories. It all added up to a fine ending. Anyway, I had better turn this page.