Goodbye again.......for now......

And it has happened again.  My life has by some means been crammed in to a backpack and a few small boxes.  Everything I have done in my life, all the places I have been and the physical objects I have owned have been evaluated.  The result of this review has either been to discard or to cherish.  What remains is the skeleton of my 43 years of existence, the bones of adventure and travel, of study and work, of family and friends.  Through this process of assessment comes a recognisable awareness of freedom.  This act of disposal creates a sensation of newness.  Not emptiness.  Not abandonment. Not poverty.  Not loss.  Instead, one of profound joy as if standing on the tip of a mountain to tenderly touch the stars.

“Every fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying.”

A friend to guide me

And the journey begins.  Leaving Darwin posed a bittersweet uplift for my emotional energy.  After months of wondering what’s going to happen next, my anxiety levels had begun to escalate and unhinge my spirit.  Together with oppressive heat and high humidity, while living in some very basic accommodation, the end of my time in Darwin had become personified as a friend looming on the horizon, walking towards me with arms stretched out.  The last morning in Darwin was a surreal moment when I could finally embrace this friend.  As we held hands the journey began and it was this moment which provided the bittersweet element.  Looking into the past 10 months was enough to make me a little melancholy.  As we headed away from Darwin though, the sadness subsided.  As we ventured further and further south into the interior of Australia, the lush tropical vegetation gave way to an increasingly arid and dry landscape.  As the landscape became increasingly drier, it withered my tensions and I could feel the anxieties and worries falling by the way side.  With each sunset, a sense of greater closure was obtained.  With each sunrise a reinforcement of this grand new beginning.

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths - Walt Disney

Darwin, we need to talk......

Darwin, can we talk for a minute? When we first met it was definitely a case of love at first sight.  Your tropical sumptuous gardens, soft breezes and unconcerned attitude swept me into your hands without resistance.  The lingering aromas of frangipani and hibiscus lured me further into your grasp with the enchanting smells of the tropics.  The wide open spaces of a city unsurpassed by any other, ancient fig trees sheltering the casual walkers below with a protective staunch like that of a caring parent.  But that was 10 years ago; we were both different back then and I now realise how we have grown apart.  The gentle tropical swagger has been replaced with a strict march of progress, the easy going atmosphere being replaced by the slick and clinical high rise apartment s and multi-storey car parks.  The tropical gardens are reduced, covered in concrete and the sweet fragrances of flowers replaced by stale beer of backpacker night clubs and burgeoning traffic fume’s.  And that’s OK.  I’m happy that you have found a direction to move forward with and grow into a city like every another city before you has done.  You are the queen of the fastest growing economy within Australia. But in the process, it has cut the tie that bound me to you over all these years of separation.  We have grown apart and I wish you well.  I will always remember what we had and cherish the fond memories of our times together.  Take care Darwin and I will see you again in the future.

Life in Darwin

It’s amazing what affect environment can have on a person’s psyche.  I recently spent a week back in the realms of family and old friends in my hometown and it was gratifyingly refreshing.  The instant I stepped off the plane and back into a past life I felt comfortable.  Confident.  Sane.  I have struggled with my new surroundings of Darwin for a few weeks since leaving my job and searching for a different direction.  So many questions and doubts have swirled around me.  What to do from here?  Am I going to find something to keep me happy in Darwin? Should we have stayed in New Zealand?  Why won’t it rain when they say it will? I feel a little dazed with the amount of uncertainty that I am currently experiencing.  Having time off to do what I want when I want sounds great, but the reality is far different.  Carrying this sense of uncertainty around saps the energy and motivation out of me.  I feel very little inspiration to spend time doing the things I love –writing, mosaics, photography – and the heat destroys any enthusiasm to enjoy any outdoor activities – walking, gardening, bird watching.  Returning to cooler climes and friendly faces gave me feelings of delight and relief. Being in a place that felt familiar and welcoming gave me inspiration and foresight and a new found sense of clarity.  I think I know what needs to happen next.

When you don’t give up, you can not fail.

Lana Del Rey

My favourite song at the moment, although it makes me feel a little mournful.  Is that a good thing?