Goodbye again.......for now......

And it has happened again.  My life has by some means been crammed in to a backpack and a few small boxes.  Everything I have done in my life, all the places I have been and the physical objects I have owned have been evaluated.  The result of this review has either been to discard or to cherish.  What remains is the skeleton of my 43 years of existence, the bones of adventure and travel, of study and work, of family and friends.  Through this process of assessment comes a recognisable awareness of freedom.  This act of disposal creates a sensation of newness.  Not emptiness.  Not abandonment. Not poverty.  Not loss.  Instead, one of profound joy as if standing on the tip of a mountain to tenderly touch the stars.

“Every fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying.”

Torn between two lovers

Not quite, but a good opening line. In a way though, it does describe the outlook I have at the moment. I had my last day at work a few days ago which came as a bit of positive relief and signified the close of a chapter. A sad ending, none the less. In a few days we will be in New Zealand beginning the next stimulating chapter of this adventure. So here I sit, in limbo between these two chapters, the two lovers between which I am torn. The old one full of memories and madness, comfortable and secure and the new one full of potential and adventure, unchartered and distant. With this state of limbo set to continue for a few more days yet, I find myself waiting once again, with a sense of imminent sadness when we say our last goodbyes to the farm, our families and our friends. So here is that last posting from me on Australian soil as I prepare to flick the page of this endless novel and embark on the next chapter.

Don't wait for extraordinary circumstance to do good; try to use ordinary situations. (Charles Richter)

It’s all coming together nicely. Not perfect, but certainly comfortable. A few days ago we got an email from one of the keepers at Hamilton Zoo. She was offering some furnished accommodation on her sisters’ farm, which we accepted instantaneously. Not only does this mean we won’t have to stay at a caravan park upon arrival, but we will living out of the city area. Even better, it means there will be no need to rush around intensely, looking for rental accommodation and buying furniture all within the first few weeks. We will be able to settle in to our new environment gracefully.

One more wave of the magic wand has seen one of the keepers Phil works with at Monarto Zoo become our new tenant. He will move in to our house a few days after we depart which is just ideal. We are still going through a real estate manager who will deal with any issues and problems on our behalf, but it is fantastic to have someone we know living here. He will also be looking after our two dogs until we decide if we are brining them to NZ once we get settled.

Not a particularly reflective or philosophical week for me. This was due to working 7 days straight and having a torture of a week with an orang-utan who broke his arm amongst one of the more manageable problems I had to face. But the end is near. I have another day off now, then back at work with my last day being Sunday. My mind isn’t quite anywhere at the moment, but maybe that’s a good thing……it needs a rest……..

Time heals what reason cannot. (Seneca)

It’s getting a little bit messy in my head at the moment. Quite a few things going on and I don’t seem to be able to control them. Sound a bit screwed up? Not really, just an extraordinary combination of disquiet, nerves, sadness and anticipation. In less than 3 weeks from today we will be leaving Australia and up to this point I feel that I have been in relative control of the processes we need to go through leading up to departure day. I have been free to pack at my own pace, rehouse animals at leisure and potter around feeling it’s all coming together. Suddenly and without warning, I now sense I am on a conveyor belt that will deliver me to the airport on the due date, at the due time. Along the way there are a series of events which are set in stone - necessary farewells, the last of the packing and finer details of departure. I want to be in control again.

But then, isn’t what this is all about? Adventure? ‘Adventure’ isn’t an orchestrated production of events set to thrill, it is an activity that comprises of risky and uncertain experiences. ‘Control’ is all about exercising restraint, showing discipline in personal and social activities or dominance over an activity. How can I expect these two concepts to meld? Now that I think about it, why would I want them to anyway? Exerting control over adventure will diminish not only the enjoyment of the experience but will also limit the potential outcomes and achievements. So, I will now take a step back and loosen the reins of insecurity and let this adventure continue to run free. After all, I have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like. (Mike Gafka)

Waiting, waiting, waiting…..

That what it will be like for the next few weeks, just waiting for the looming departure date to hit. I have had a few weeks of holidays lately and in that time I have managed to pack up much of the house, do some serious cleaning ready for new tenants, relocated almost all of our pets and generally got myself ready for the jump. The latter includes looking into accommodation in NZ, car prices, internet access, services in the Hamilton area, looked at maps, photos, newspapers and more. I almost feel like I am ready to leave tomorrow with all this new found information I have in my head. But, I am back at work tomorrow and will be right up to the week before blast off. So until then I will enjoy my last days at Adelaide Zoo, catch up with friends and continue waiting, waiting, waiting……..

Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow. (Ronald E. Osborn)

Some years ago I left Australia with an international air ticket in hand and just $38 dollars to my name. Somehow I managed to work and travel my way around the globe for the most part of a year. As my oldest friends will tell you, for much of my adult life it was a case of now you see him, now you don’t. Moving across the country on the spur of the moment, calling to let people know what I am doing after I have done it. So why is this move to New Zealand, a small hop across the ocean, providing so much more emotion for me? I lay awake most mornings before I get up thinking about this, not worrying but thinking deeply about what lays before me. I believe there is no answer to my question. Just let it be and enjoy the experience.

I am on holidays again and have continued to slowly pack up the house. Slowly I say, because I am finding it difficult to pick up an item and not remember where it came from, who gave it to me/us and what memories are associated with it. Then I have to decide whether to pack it into storage, give it away, throw it out or keep it to take to New Zealand. At the moment, that is what my life feels like – I am choosing the memories I want to keep and the ones I want to dispose of. It’s a bit surreal but at the same time liberating. This move is a great opportunity to clear out the clutter and material possessions which somehow have become so integral in my existence. Never have I spent so much of my adult life in one place – almost 8 years.

On the planning front, this is the latest. My dear mother and nieces came to stay for a few days and helped do some serious cleaning. Mum will be back in a few weeks again, when most of the furniture has been moved and we will get cleaning again. The emus went to their new home on the weekend and the last of my peafowl, pigeons and turkeys will be going this morning. This will leave us with a few chooks and the two dogs. It is so quiet around here now. We have been catching up with as many people as possible along the way and there are still more to see. I can only hope that we see everyone we want to before we depart.

Overall, while there are negatives, everything is outweighed by a renewed spirit of adventure. This journey is turning out to be much better than the original exchange we had planned. I will never thank the two NZ keepers, but I am glad they pulled out of the deal now. They were the worst part of this whole plan to go to NZ. We now have so much more flexibility with our adventure – where to live, car to drive, pets to have etc. We will be going over on our own terms and not bound by the association of others.

To sum up my situation at the moment, there is a piece by Michael Leunig which I have long cherished.

Overlooking my life so far
"In my life I had accumulated many things in my head - too many things. Memories, tunes, facts, fears, visions, loves, etc., etc. As many as possible. In a fertile mind, such things will interbreed. Mongrel visions are born; hybrid memories; inbred memories, idiot love. It gets very confusing.
I decided it was time for a good clean-up, so I emptied all this out of my head and pushed it into a big heap to sort it out. There is was - everything that was me, all in a big jumbled heap. I walked around it. What a mess!
Then suddenly I saw it in silhouette and realised what it was. It was a heap. A simple heap. You don't sort it out, you climb it. You climb it because it is there. Excitedly I clambered to the summit and raised a flag. I was now looking beyond everything that I knew. The view was simply…….magnificent!."

It's good news week.....

It has been two weeks since the other two keepers pulled out of the exchange deal that started this whole journey. For friends who have been following us during this period, you are aware of the struggle it has been at times. The two weeks feels like two months to me as so much has happened and so may plans have changed, but almost daily our road seems to be getting smoother and clearer. The latest good news was via a phone call to Phil from Hamilton Zoo yesterday morning. They have offered him a contract until the end of February, the same as what I will be doing. At that point, there will be three permanent positions on offer so it is looking really positive that more work will eventuate. This news had us both bouncing around the house last night in a 'happy dance'! Further more, another option for the care of our dogs has arisen. One of the vet nurses I work with has a property not far from our farm and has offered to look after the dogs for how ever long we need. All this good news is surely a sign of things to come?

Thanks to those who have sent messages of encouragement. Everyone had faith that things were going to get alot better and as hard as it was for me to see this eventuating, that's exactly what is happening now. Bit by bit, the wall that suddenly arose two weeks ago is crumbling. This morning I can peek over the top, and see the grassy meadows and snow capped mountains of our destination, and my dreams, once more.

I'm gunna miss them!!!

The ups and downs continue, much to my dismay. One of the redeeming facts for me of having the other two NZ keepers pull out of the exchange deal was that we were no longer obliged to stay at their house, which was unsuitable for dogs. It was a shared arrangement in a suburban house with a cat. Therefore, we could now find a house where we could take the dogs with us! Smiles, happy times, how great is this?!? For me, this possibility really cancelled out the many other problems we were going to need to overcome in order to get to NZ. Do you know where this is heading yet? That's right........ taking the dogs..... is no longer an option. We knew it was going to cost a bit of money, but in fact it turned out it would cost us $4000! I was heartbroken, devastated, frustrated and despondent. Why was everything becoming so difficult now? What are we doing? How can all of this confusion and hurt end in anything worthwhile and enjoyable? Without the dogs joining us, things seemed less exciting and comfortable. With a heavy heart I knew an alternative had to be sorted and very soon. We still don't know what the final solution will be, but we do have a last back-up plan if nothing else arises. That last plan is to pay for a few fence modifications to my mothers house, as well as a bit of gardening around her yard. She already has a dog called Tibby which is just as energetic as our two and the three of them get along really well. We would also organise and pay for someone to come an walk the dogs a few times a week, if not more. That way she doesn't have to worry about trying to fit them into her busy schedule or being dragged around while walking the three dogs, all pulling in different directions. Settling on this plan made me feel much better, but nothing was going to be as perfect as taking them with us. If something amazing comes up for us in NZ while we are over there, and we do decide to stay longer, then we will fork out the money and bring them over to us.

Having sorted out an alternative, I can now see some of the positives of leaving the dogs here, at least initially anyway. We have nowhere to stay as yet in NZ, so they possibly would have been in a boarding kennel initially while we stayed in a cabin in a park or something similar. Not having to work around pets will give us a much greater flexibility in when and what we do as we try to get our feet firmly planted on NZ soil - finding a car, getting into a routine, finding a house etc. And of course, the dogs love being at mum's place with all of the visitors she gets, running around with her dog Tibby, they know her and the family, its in a country town close to the river and so on. It has to be a better arrangement for them, too.

So now I am beginning to hate roller coasters, but this one will come to an end soon. Now it is time to focus on packing and organising ourselves at this end. My remaining peacocks, turkey and pigeons will be going in the next few weeks, as will the two Emu's. The last few chooks will stay to the end before being taken to a friends place a few days before, likewise with the dogs to my mum's place. We have a few catch-ups with friends to work in to all this, as well as getting the house ready to rent out to some lucky person/people! Through all this though, I can still see this adventure as turning in to an opportunity to enjoy life.......beyond my imagination............

Undertake something that is difficult; it will do you good. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

Ronald E. Osborn

Back on track!!!

Talk about an emotional roller coaster! I am getting more emotions out of this entire adventure and we haven't even left the country yet! Good news for us yesterday, no, FANTASTIC news for us. Yesterday morning I got a call from Hamilton Zoo offering one of us full time work until at least February, and the other casual work. Then, in February, after all the Xmas and New Year chaos and the summer rush, they will look at putting on 2 or 3 more staff and so something is bound to come up. Furthermore, they are going to try an help us get work at Auckland Zoo if we want to live somewhere between Auckland and Hamilton (1 and a 1/2 hours drive between the two zoos). Its all looking really good again and everything is how it should be. I had been carrying around this dull feeling inside ever since the other two pulled out of the deal. It's only today that I realise what an impact it had made on my psyche. I had already applied for a few other jobs around the country because we were determined to do something come November. Our minds had already made the big move from life as we know it, to something different and challenging beyond our comfort zones and familiar horizons. And, now we will be.......

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

(Margaret Thatcher)

A change in mood and direction.

What a horrible week it has been. On Tuesday one of the keepers who were supposed to be exchanging jobs with us called Phil to say they have accepted full time jobs elsewhere and so the whole thing is off. This is despite them knowing about all the planning we have done, rehousing/selling our variety of pets, packing, tidying and not to mention, purchasing two one way tickets to New Zealand! We are too disappointed to be angry, but it is hard to think nice thoughts about these people anymore.

So what do we do from here? Things are still up in the air and we really haven't been able to get our heads around it all as yet. One possibility so far is going to Auckland Zoo instead. Hamilton Zoo was going to get in contact with them to fill them in on the events and maybe fast track a similar exchange with a couple of keepers there. This sounds ideal, but we are not too hopeful about this one as yet. Another option is to go as planned anyway, and get work when we are over there. We have the air tickets and the time off from our jobs here, it would be a waste not to use this opportunity. There regularly seems to be jobs going at the zoos over there so there is a good chance we will find work at some stage and just travel around in the meantime. Even if one of us got zoo work somewhere, the other will be able to get some other job in tourism or conservation.

It makes me feel better to remember that this recent challenge is keeping in line with the whole purpose of the journey, which was to go on an adventure and a learning experience. It had been a very smooth road up to this point, but we weren't expecting anything this challenging at this late stage of preparations. As opportunities arise, decisions made and plans unfold, you will be duly kept informed.

It is no disgrace to start all over. It is usually an opportunity.(George Matthew Adams)

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scattering the seeds.....

One of the hardest parts of this whole adventure, is dissecting the life that Phil and I have built together. When we first hooked up, there was nothing tying us together. Slowly, and without realising it, we started to build a bridge between our lives. This eventually became an existence where everything that effected one of us, had an impact on the other. EVERYTHING! We had friends in common, got pets together, bank accounts, a mortgage and so it went on. Then came the decision to change countries and what we needed to do to make this happen. Suddenly, there is this whole deconstructing of what we had built together.......finding new homes for our pets, clearing out the sheds of stuff, minimising the gardens, weeding out the book shelf and the list goes on. Everything is becoming 'smaller'. It's a little surreal. At the same time though, what an exciting time! We came together through adventure and travel. We stopped the travel part to see if we should be more serious about our relationship and our lives. We have done that, and now it is time to get that travel and adventurous element back in to our lives. This time though, it won't be as individuals but as a couple of mad guys on the look out for the next mountain to climb!

So whats this all about then?

As many will know, Phabulous Phil and myself are trekking over to New Zealand for a 12 month keeper exchange. We will be working at Hamilton Zoo on the North Island, and two of their keepers will be moving over here, one to work at Adelaide Zoo, the other at Monarto Zoo. We are not only swapping jobs, but also houses, cars and other parts of our lives. Quite a big adventure which is not only going to present some big changes and challenges, but some outstanding opportunities and rewards.

I have always thought I'd like to give blogging a go but never really had any reason to sit down and write mindless drivel for anyone to read. Keeping a journal of the experience for my own benefit will also allow me to share thoughts and experiences with anyone else who wants to keep up with it. There will still be the constant use of facebook, and emails and maybe even an old fashioned post card or two, but this blog is intended to be the more detailed and graphic representation of the experience.

I am starting it now, because the adventure doesn't just begin when we step out of the door, or onto New Zealand soil, it actually began when we decided to do it. This was a few months ago when we decided we had been in one place for long enough and it was time we got out on a journey of some sort. After many years of travelling and tour guiding, staying put was quite a novelty and an enjoyable one at that. We decided to email the major Zoo's in NZ to see if there was any interest in a couple of keepers wanting to do a Zoo exchange. We chose NZ because we loved the country after visiting last year, and also because we originally wanted to take our dogs (no quarantine). Lucky for us, two charmers from Hamilton Zoo jumped at the chance as passionately as we did, and it went on from there. They will be taking on our jobs and our house, with us doing the same in Hamilton.

So that brings us up to today. We are slowly finding new homes for our pets, packing up a lot of the house that has become cluttered with our recently stable lives. I said the journey started a while ago, because all this organising and packing has brought on many thoughts and emotions which can only be caused by this sudden change in our life plan.

Between now and sometime late next year, and maybe even longer, I will regularly add updates, photos, videos and drivel for those who want get a glimpse of our adventure. I hope you can join me........

You must be getting excited by now?

The title of this post is the most common phrase spoken to me this week, in reference of course to the big move to New Zealand. Somehow, somehow the word excitement does not fill the adjective requirement in that particular phrase. There are so many more emotions and thoughts spinning around that one word does not qualify as the sum of all these thoughts. For example, everyone knows about the number of pets we had here on the farm - goats, emus, frogs, dogs, etc. Over the past few weeks we have whittled the whole collection down to a few remaining individuals which will be cared for by our 'replacements'. It has been a little more emotional than either of us though it would be, too. The excitement is a little clouded in sadness and doubts as our lives on the farm get chipped away with each animals departure to new homes. Its so quiet.

As for work, well things are very interesting there with all the developments and changes going on. I would love to be around to see everything unfold, but at the same time it is a little comforting to think that upon my return from NZ, I will be walking into a new Zoo with something like $30 million dollars of new development being planned before the end of 2009! So once again, some more emotions and thoughts to stir into that pot of excitement.

Following on from all of this are the universal experiences of many who have gone before me on these sorts of adventures. Leaving behind family and friends, missing out on big events back home, how will I cope with the weather and whats it all really going to be like?

Over the next year or so, these and other questions will be answered a dozen times over. There is so much unknown at this stage that I am just trying to keep my mind open to every possibility without having any expectations at all. These feelings of anxiety leading up to the departure day will ebb and flow like an wave lapping on the shore, doubts will surface and problems arise. Bobbing around amongst it all though will be that inevitable feeling of excitement.

So, yes, I am getting excited by now.

it's not so hard after all...

I am getting the hang of this and have added a few accessories to my page today already. The all important weather station and a slap-bang profile made up with out too much thought put in to it. You can probably tell that though.

The idea behind starting a blog was as a way of keeping a journal of the imminent move to New Zealand, not just for my own benefit, but for those back home and wherever else that may want to follow along my adventure. While postings may be erratic, they will be made as often as possible and I hope some people will check in from time to time, apart from myself! OK, that's all the introductions, excuses and apologies out of the way so on with the blog (why couldn't they have come up with a nicer word than that?)

testing, testing, 1,2,3......

As my foray into blogging begins, I have no idea what I am doing. This box popped up and asked me to write something....I promise to get more exciting in the future.....