Darwin

Sorry for the absence. Relocating house is crazy enough, but relocating countries is immeasurably crazier.  The transition has been long and convoluted, with visits to family and friends in other parts of the country before arriving in Darwin in the week just past.  It was a perfect whirlwind revisiting my old haunts and seeing everyone again.  Hitting the road for the drive to Darwin was initially daunting, but it quickly metamorphosed in to a period of tranquillity and respite.  I was captive in a vehicle on the move with little to do except sit back, appreciate the ever changing scenery and reflect on life.

Upon arrival, there were things to do and people to see, decision to be made and things to be bought.  Arriving at our destination was almost an anti-climax after the previous days of wistful repose and inactivity.  Faced with a new environment, it was easy to return to thoughts of New Zealand and the joyous sensation that surges within when I do so.  This was followed by a few days of bewilderment and discovery, but slowly the dust is settling around me and a clearer picture of my future is emerging.  Its looks magnificent.

It's time to go......

Only a few hours remain of this adventure.  It is true that I will return to New Zealand again, but that will be a separate adventure disconnected by the passage of time and age.  It feels as if my world has been getting smaller over that last few weeks, with a maddening reduction towards the end.  With each goodbye, there was one less element of my world.  With each last trip to a certain shop, or last drive past a certain landmark, the everyday elements and activities which constituted my life have been trimmed from my branches.  This has left me repeatedly less elements to give my world mass and substance.  As I sit here at the airport I feel as though the past three and a half years of magic have become confused in to one single past event.  All the memories, all the people, the job, and the places are all now in one single box.  And the universe is about to close the lid.

Time.

In some ways it feels like I have been in New Zealand forever.  Then I think about events passed, and it seems like I arrived last week.  It’s curious how the mind doesn’t give an accurate perception of time.  Time is only relevant when you look at your watch or at a calendar.  The concept is lost without a visual object that measures it, defines it or gives it a framework.  Without these time defining objects, time becomes meaningless.  What happened a year ago could have happened 5 years ago or it could have happened last week.  Once it is a memory, it is relegated to the past regardless how far gone that past it.  Time, as a concept, is irrelevant.

So what about the future?  For me, what’s planned for next week is just as imperceptible as what is planned for next year.  It is something yet to occur.  It’s only when I define the occurrence of the event with a measurement of time that I get a sense of it being near or far in to the future.  This gives me great comfort as I look around me now, not having yet left New Zealand but already craving to return.  This maybe won’t occur for a while yet, though by not letting a unit of time define this plan to return I get a sense that my return is just as imminent as my upcoming departure.  It’s all in the future and this eases my current sadness.  A little. 

On a more positive note

As the sun descends to kiss the horizon

these thoughts come clearly to me 

through the Autumn mist.

There is no one beauty in the world, 

just one world which is beautiful.

By embracing new places and allowing no stagnation

we have the chance to see beauty around each new corner.

All that is required is to open our eyes

and look closely at what lays before us at any point in time.

Feel it move within our hearts, souls and minds.

If we walk with our eyes closed

we become lost in an obscurity

that shields the individual from what the purpose of living

really

is.

It is to challenge ourselves, to experience and to learn.

To win, to lose, to conquer, to concede.

But most importantly.....

to shine.

....gone.....

The last day of work came and went.  Two more days have since passed and it already seems so long ago.  The tears have dried leaving a sad and empty feeling inside.  This is planned to be a thrilling and fun time, getting ready for the next big adventure of this crazy road show.  I could fake it, pretend that I’m not sad, that I am actually looking forward to leaving everything and everyone behind. Yet, just the thought of doing so makes that empty feeling inside become greater.