Toughen Up!

We have come a long way from living in caves while fighting off mega beasts and eating whatever we found, simply to survive to the next day.  We were as equal to all others creatures in the evolving ecosystems, liable to be eaten, defeated by the elements or die of starvation.  Then we got wily and developed tools and fire and thus began our journey towards modern humans. So, waking up in a tent to –4 Celsius this morning should be in my DNA, but it felt tough.  But as I thought about this, it felt like I had betrayed someone deep within me. The caveman who fought off mega beasts, the early tribal clans who clashed with their neighbours, the explorers from all continents who suffered great loss and hardship as did the cultures they encountered.  Then came a sudden realisation that I had become soft to the real meaning of life being tough. I just need to make another cup of hot coffee and get over it. 

Basic Instinct of Travel

Travel, I feel, is a basic human instinct.  Our ancestors did not sit on a couch scrolling social media.  They wandered the earth searching for food, shelter and territory, expanding across vast oceans and great continents. Over a millennium this instinct has weakened for many, but not for me.  As a young child I dreamed of places far from my humble small-town surroundings, where my imagination was lifted by the dry winds that parched the surrounding desert. Not knowing where these places were and what I would find when I got there, did not diminish the awareness I sensed that destiny would be my guide. And so it has been, but the journey of discovery is not over yet.  I hear that familiar knock at my door, I have to go, again.  

A Magic Carpet

Its been a magic carpet ride for the past few years.  Many a time have I needed to stop and pinch myself.  My first few roles out of the zoo keeping profession were a bit shaky and uneven, not really sure of my own abilities and the expectations of others and if they would ever match up.  Apparently not in some cases.  The best way I described it to others was that as a zookeeper, it all felt so very natural, instinctive, innate, instinctual.  I often felt I had been training for the role my entire life, everything was already part of me, an extension of who I was.  Moving out of this field in to a corporate field, I had to learn everything.  Nothing came natural, many new skills had to be developed.  Not just the technical skills of working in office environments but the social skills of working with people who were clearly quite different from the circles I had spent all of my life in.  Most didn't know much about animals, or conservation, or travelling, or all the things that were part of my daily conversations I had in previous roles.  Conversations became about reality TV shows, kids, clothes and makeup, cafes to eat at......at times it was like another language. And yet here I am, fitting in to this new world as comfortably as a new pair of jeans.  A bit tight some days, but generally a god fit.  So if you don't mind, please stand clear.  This magic carpet is set to continue on its way.

Wisdom of Hindsight

The wit and wisdom of Hindsight means he can be a disturbing friend at times.  He knows better.  He told you so.  He's so perfect.  In a vain attempt to prove this, Hindsight has offered to visit a younger me and offer him some advice.

Hindsight (HS): So young Johnny Ray, how old are you?
Younger me, Johnny Ray (JR): 13
HS: Whats that you're holding there?
JR: A list of all the things I want to do with my life.
HS: Let me see-  (takes the note from JR and reads) - Oh dear boy, you do dream don't you?
JR: What do you mean?  I can do any of those things if I want to.  Why can't I?
HS: Because you're a boy from a small country town born to parents of meager means.  (Shaking the note at JR and says) You won't get to be a scientist, that takes years of study and money.  (HS reads note again)You'll never have kids or a wife, but that is something to discuss another time. (HS reads note again) You'll never write a best selling novel, you'll never do any of this!
JR: So why are you here then if not to offer me advice, the wisdom of Hindsight, so I can achieve all these things?
HS: I'm here to stop you wasting time trying to get to places you'll never find or take up opportunities that don't count. (Folds arms and 'humphs' with a tone of superiority and victory).
JR:  I write a new list almost every day of what I dream of doing.  I don't ever consider setting myself boundaries or containing my thoughts.  Some days I want to be a scientist, the next a teacher.  Some days I want to get married, the next to remain single and travel the world.  There doesn't have to be a set path for me to go forward.  It doesn't have to be smooth either.  Just a path of my own leading to every horizon.  I have heard some adults wishing for the wisdom of Hindsight to get them out of trouble or so they can do things differently, but as a kid I don't need you. I wont ever need you.  I have my goals, I have my ideas, I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses.  Collectively these will allow me to live a life complete which resounds in adventure and never will I wish for the wisdom of Hindsight.  That will only change who I am destined to become and I don't know who that is yet, but I like them already.

So, the moral of the story is that the wisdom of Hindsight is not always a welcome thing.  We wish we could have used it many times over, but what would really happen if we did.  How many accidental things would no longer happen that would turn out to be truly awesome!

Memories.

Recently I realised that as I age my past appears to be defined as a series of events. I like to see them as short stories, each covering an event or era in my life. There was always a beginning and an end, usually focused on life events such as moving, changing jobs or ending a relationship. There is also a degree of overlapping between these stories. Some characters appeared in a number of them, some locations were the same but the characters varied. The point however is this – these short stories seem to be archiving themselves. Early events have started to feel distant, almost removed from who I am today. Is it that time has erased this connection? Is it because I have done so much since that I can’t remain emotionally attached to every memory? Have I relived the memory and looked at the photos too many times dulling the emotion leaving just the knowledge the event happened, not the actually feeling? I will never know. It has happened and it will continue to happen as long as life experiences continue to accumulate and time continues to pass. I don’t like the thought of losing the connections I have to my past experiences. However, I do like the inspiration my memories evoke and love knowing that there is more to come.