It's time to go......

Only a few hours remain of this adventure.  It is true that I will return to New Zealand again, but that will be a separate adventure disconnected by the passage of time and age.  It feels as if my world has been getting smaller over that last few weeks, with a maddening reduction towards the end.  With each goodbye, there was one less element of my world.  With each last trip to a certain shop, or last drive past a certain landmark, the everyday elements and activities which constituted my life have been trimmed from my branches.  This has left me repeatedly less elements to give my world mass and substance.  As I sit here at the airport I feel as though the past three and a half years of magic have become confused in to one single past event.  All the memories, all the people, the job, and the places are all now in one single box.  And the universe is about to close the lid.

Time.

In some ways it feels like I have been in New Zealand forever.  Then I think about events passed, and it seems like I arrived last week.  It’s curious how the mind doesn’t give an accurate perception of time.  Time is only relevant when you look at your watch or at a calendar.  The concept is lost without a visual object that measures it, defines it or gives it a framework.  Without these time defining objects, time becomes meaningless.  What happened a year ago could have happened 5 years ago or it could have happened last week.  Once it is a memory, it is relegated to the past regardless how far gone that past it.  Time, as a concept, is irrelevant.

So what about the future?  For me, what’s planned for next week is just as imperceptible as what is planned for next year.  It is something yet to occur.  It’s only when I define the occurrence of the event with a measurement of time that I get a sense of it being near or far in to the future.  This gives me great comfort as I look around me now, not having yet left New Zealand but already craving to return.  This maybe won’t occur for a while yet, though by not letting a unit of time define this plan to return I get a sense that my return is just as imminent as my upcoming departure.  It’s all in the future and this eases my current sadness.  A little. 

On a more positive note

As the sun descends to kiss the horizon

these thoughts come clearly to me 

through the Autumn mist.

There is no one beauty in the world, 

just one world which is beautiful.

By embracing new places and allowing no stagnation

we have the chance to see beauty around each new corner.

All that is required is to open our eyes

and look closely at what lays before us at any point in time.

Feel it move within our hearts, souls and minds.

If we walk with our eyes closed

we become lost in an obscurity

that shields the individual from what the purpose of living

really

is.

It is to challenge ourselves, to experience and to learn.

To win, to lose, to conquer, to concede.

But most importantly.....

to shine.

....gone.....

The last day of work came and went.  Two more days have since passed and it already seems so long ago.  The tears have dried leaving a sad and empty feeling inside.  This is planned to be a thrilling and fun time, getting ready for the next big adventure of this crazy road show.  I could fake it, pretend that I’m not sad, that I am actually looking forward to leaving everything and everyone behind. Yet, just the thought of doing so makes that empty feeling inside become greater.

Going, going…….

A week has passed quickly, now leaving less than two weeks before our departure.  The less time we have, the faster it goes.  We don’t have much left to organise or pack, so I will be trying to enjoy this time peacefully.  Enjoy the crisp autumn mornings, the cool fog hugging the countryside waiting for the warmth of the sun to awaken it and give it life.  Slowly watch it rise and clear the view to reveal the artistic landscape that I have become so fond of.

I do have few familiar feelings resurfacing from the period when we were preparing to move to New Zealand.  The sense that time is now in control, that my world is getting smaller and things are changing.  All feelings captured in some of my earlier posts, in September and October 2008.  So long ago.

Must go for now, the fog is waking and commands my attention.

“Without new experiences, something inside of us sleeps. The sleeper must awaken.” – Frank Herbert, author (1920-1986)