Home is where the heart is.

As part of our move to New Zealand, it was decided to sell our property back in Australia and buy ourselves a small slice of New Zealand. As all plans begin, it was a brilliant one. We owned the property, not the bank, so it would enable us to continue on our merry way with financial security. No big loans, some spare cash for luxuries, travel, skiing and so forth. That was the plan.

Last week was settlement day for the property. For me, it came and went without fanfare. The benefits of selling were numbed by the loss I felt. Loss of home, loss of place, loss of memories and loss of opportunities. All these things were embodied on our 80 acre farm with endless views of a truly beautiful part of Australia. No more can I feel these views are mine. No more wandering through the beautiful vegetation, the trees which I grew from seed, the seed which I harvested myself. No more opportunities to plan the future – the decking, the landscaping, the constant re vegetating. It is now all in the hands of its new owners. That chapter has ended.

Now we're are in limbo – not here or there. I yearn for a place to call home, somewhere I can add my bit to give it life. The options are there, its just a matter of waiting for the right one to choose us. A new chapter has started but I sure did enjoy the last one.

For all the people who were part of that chapter, thanks for the memories. It all added up to a fine ending. Anyway, I had better turn this page.

Time waits for no-one.

I was recently browsing through one of the boxes we brought over to New Zealand with us, the one containing old photos and other memorabilia of days gone by.  I always get drawn into a world resplendent in nostalgia as soon as I see images of places and people that used to be part of my everyday life.  Memories come flooding back like a gentle breeze forewarns of a storm.  Feelings are awakened and more memories rekindled until I can close my eyes as the storm evolves around me.  I am in that place once more.  With those people again. No time has passed from the point the photo was taken till now.  Then I open my eyes and the storm of nostalgia abruptly ends as I fall to reality with an awareness of place and time.  Around me I see very little that connects who I am to my past experiences, just old photos.  The young and healthy guy I see in the photos is not the middle age man I have become.  It cannot be the same person.  A recent slip at work has left me creaking and groaning, unable to stand without a grimace, walking has become a shuffle, doctors appointments to go to, gentle exercises to do, egos to mend and self esteem to be nurtured.  It simply cannot be the same person.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

How I feel when I think too much about about the fact that I am about to change careers......

A new chapter begins.

So whats he doing now? I finish my current job on the 23rd of this month and jump straight in to my new role the following Monday, on the 26th of August.  I will be employed in a section of the Civil Aviation Authority called Aviation Security Services.  They are responsible for a range of security functions throughout New Zealand.  My area will be the Operations Team coordinating the 120+ employees from several airports in everything from rosters to training and development.  I will be responsible for tasks as varied as approving staff leave to ensuring there are enough resources available to accommodate last minute flight changes.
I feel very fortunate to be able to change jobs as often as I have over my working career.  I keep thinking I am getting too old to do this, and yet opportunities keep arising.  As one dear friend commented recently "You can't sit still can you John!!" and this has been echoed in essence by others.  And they are right, I can't.  But while there are opportunities out there for someone to take, then I am going to darn well be the one to do so.  Remove the fear and the rest is easy.

I am winning.

For the astute who knew of my current situation, the resignation from my current workplace will not be a surprise.  It has been several challenging months of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  Me being the peg and my work place being the hole (no slight intended).  A few posts ago, I wrote how through every crisis there is a chance to be reborn.  I felt I had been harshly dealt with by the universe and that at some point in the future, this imbalance will right itself.  So, I waited.  And waited some more.  While beginning to doubt my own beliefs in restorative universal Justice, I waited even longer.  Then suddenly, just this week, the balance began to tip back in my favour.  Things started to shine again.  I could see the snowy mountainous through beautiful new eyes.  I could hear the chorus of birds again as I woke each morning, instead of the banging of work place dilemmas in my head.  I am winning. I AM THE VICTOR.

If you can't figure out where you stand in a given situation, it may me time to stop standing and start walking.